Ratcheds Redux

by Fred Prout

Now that the weather is getting a bit toasty inland, tourists are visiting en masse. Rental houses and motels are chock full of visitors. Local merchants are opening extra hours to accommodate them. Great to see. Now for the latest news.

First of all, I am glad to report that Ratcheds has a new summer constable. Francis Muldoon is Patrick’s brother, and, former NYPD partner of Gunther Toody. Francis is providing a dummy police car at the city limits to slow down speeders. It’s his and Gunther’s former Car 54. We appreciate him joining the force for the summer season. By the way, PLEASE don’t tell anyone that it’s a dummy car.

Someone started a hoax about Darleen Thomas, owner of Darleen’s Dairy Delights. She is not merging with Scott Sullivan of Sullivan’s Soft Serv. Just a vicious hoax, folks. So, Darleen’s Dairy will continue to be Delightful. Drive-in daily.

Speaking of mergers, I hear that Tom Coffey, of Coffey’s Coffins, is engaged to Geri Coffin, owner of Coffin’s Coffee Cart. (I think I just gave myself a headache.) I’m sure we all wish them well.

I hear that local counselor, Chad Cheatham, is suing Kent Clarkson of The Ratcheds Reporter for referring to him as a criminal lawyer. Kent claims no harm was intended.  He was just reporting on a criminal case Chad was conducting. Let’s hope they can settle this soon.

We have a new Vet in town to tend to the four-legged family friends. Doc Peter Press opened his practice last month. So, let’s welcome Peter Press, from Press Paws. “ Nails to Tails “

Patsy Paisano has re-opened Patsy’s Pepperoni Plus Pizza Pies. It’s located in the former Goetz Getty Gas and Garage. Patsy wants us to know he will not make pineapple pizza. He says it’s the pits and he’s a pizza purist.

Asian astrologist, So Hu Nu, is offering complete astrological services and supplies. He is also offering a weekly meeting for all area psychics. He says if you need to know where and when it’s probably not for you.

Mike Milty from Mike’s Muffler Shop, had to close early yesterday. He said he was exhausted. Muffler shop? Exhausted? Oh well.

Aida Nappel of the Ratcheds Opera Company announced the next production will be the rock opera, Tommy. Keep your eyes and ears open for further details. Aida will be assisted by Barb Dwyer, Adam Neave, and Anita Coffey.

Terry Tyler of Terry’s Tasty Tea Time has restocked with all high-end teas. Stash is one of her favorites.

Norman Nobs of Norman No bs Organic Garden said his prime picked produce is ready for sale. Eat fresh and stay healthy.

Russell Peggs of Russell’s Rapid Rides is offering transportation and grocery pick-up for those who need it. Ask about the multi-ride discount.

I talked to Jack Nichols’ son, Jason, who said he would be here for the Fourth of July celebration. This year, it will honor his Grandmother, nurse Mildred Ratched, founder of our little town. Lars Larson of Larson’s Laminating and Labels is busy getting things ready for the big day.

Well, that’s all the news from Ratcheds By The Sea, a quirky little town on the beach, where everyone is beautiful, above average, and one degree off-center.