It’s been a wild day in Ratcheds By The Sea. Shirley Shewill, incoming manager of The Ratcheds Senior Center, is conducting an audit of the books and an inventory of supplies. Apparently, some of the members were heisting bananas, coffee creamers and silverware. Shirley is intent on determining if this was due to kleptomania or a pushback against previous nickel and diming.
Our lunch table consisted of yours truly, Shirley, T Rex (fka) Thomas King and the Muldoons. T was pontificating on his feelings about the two-party system. “It’s a choice between the mooches and the misers.” As we were enjoying our delicious Cincinnati Chili, newcomer, Howie Doone came in on his electric scooter. As we have very limited space, and in an attempt to minimize walking bananas, so to speak, scooters and walkers have to be left against the far wall. We invited Howie to join us, so T offered to move the scooter for him as Howie has a very limited range. As T was weaving away, we learned that Mrs Howie, Cookie, was with the Stitch and Bitch group.
Howie sits and announces that he is about to lose his breakfast…
T returns to the table…
Howie fills his napkin…
T goes back to get the scooter…
T returns with the scooter…
Howie scoots off towards the mens room…
We push chili bowls away…
We discuss the axiom that no good deed goes unpunished…
Howie returns…
T retakes the scooter and promptly crashes into the wall. Ass over teakettle he goes…
Howie announces that in the process of rinsing the napkin in the toilet, he realizes that his lower denture is in the napkin…
After he flushes…
Howie then asks Shirley if she would bring him a bowl of chili…
We don’t want to be rude and leave, but we also don’t want to witness a rerun of the previous festivities. After what she considers a reasonable time, Shirley finally has to get back to inventory. T leaves as his leg hurts from the horrific scooter crash. The Muldoon’s police scanner announces a fender bender in town, and they have to leave.
I’m stuck here watching Howie gum his chili and corn bread. Crumbs of something in his beard. I’m silently wishing for the Stitch and Bitch to end early. No such luck. Shirley finally takes pity on me and asks if I would help her count knives and spoons. As I get up, I try to lighten the situation by telling Howie that I have had that effect on people before. Many times.
As I started to walk away, I saw Mae Wees, a former resident of France,
and Kim Chee ,a real sourpuss, get into an argument over who belongs to the lone cane at the table. Sure enough, both silver haired, very senior, ladies start tugging and trying to wrestle the cane away from the other. Before you know it, they are both on the floor, flopping around like an entire congregation of alligators . In a rare display of sanity, no one offered to intervene. They were still at it when I left, so I have no idea what happened next. Probably a very good thing .
Well, that’s the latest from Ratcheds By The Sea. A quirky little town on the beach, where everyone is beautiful, above average, and at least one degree off center. Fare thee well Mildred, we will all miss you.
Fred Prout
