Demons

I am beset by demons.

I don’t know why, but they are increasing their devilish attacks on me with a vengeance. They started slowly a few years ago, when, I guess, they acquired
an effigy doll with my name on it.

The initial attacks were simple. They somehow made it impossible for my body to defluidicize itself all at once. At night. They somehow convinced my body that four wake up calls were better than one. Or two. It’s like they have a magic button and take turns pressing it at will. I can almost hear them laughing their hats off at the result.

I guess even demons get bored, so they have started a new plan of attack.
Sharp pins in the hips, along with a viselike grip on my spine. Where I used to swing right out of bed, it’s now more of a gradual unfolding accompanied by pain and grunting. It is twelve paces to the bathroom and twelve back. It takes just long enough to assure that I’m almost awake when I get back. Even keeping one eye closed.

Fall asleep. Repeat. Four times.

In the morning , the unfolding is accompanied by lifting limbs and trying to insert them into arms and legs of clothes. Shoes? Don’t ask. It now requires thirty or forty steps to warm up the hip joints by waddling to the elevator. Once warmed up, the hips are okay so long as I stay on ground level. I live on a hill.

The demons have also invaded my apartment when I am not there. I know this, because they have altered all of my clothes within the past year. They also replaced my bathroom mirror with one that came from the fun house. Remember them? This mirror distorts my image to make me look like I lost most of my hair and replaced it with a turkey’s wattle. That’s not me, I say. I swear I can hear them laughing in the background.

They also sneak in when I sit down to read a book. I have started trying to catch them by making a note of the time. After reading two pages, I open my eyes and see that an hour has gone by. I am not a slow reader. They reset all my clocks.
And my watch. And my phone.

I don’t know what you demons want, or how to get you to stop this insanity.
Try to find someone else to torment. Just please, when you do leave, show me how to replace that stupid mirror.

Fred Prout

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11 Responses to Demons

  1. Anita C, says:

    Those demons are at my house too. Lousy little critters!!!!

  2. Kate Bright says:

    You too? That’s surprising, because I figured I was their full time job!

  3. Steve & Jackie Jones Lot #102 says:

    Fred you are one extremely funny guy. Please don’t let the Demon’s get any of Kelly’s things. As far as the mirror goes I can’t help you as I also have the same one. Gonna miss you our wonderful friend. I can suggest maybe a big stick at the door to fight them off. Hugs to you and Kell-Kell.

  4. Eric says:

    I regard my impersonal Demons as Gurus; they prepare me for Ataxia while teaching me that previously unknown, (I have a limited vocabulary), word, and they have opened up one of Captain Kirk’s “Alternate Universes” that I never dreamed existed before.

    I have various names for them, each dependent upon which level of underachievement I have momentarily attained.

    “Onward and Upwards”.

  5. Walter Quigley says:

    God is the joker. Demons don’t even come close, but don’t poke either bear.

  6. Thom Hoch says:

    Fred, you failed to mention that new scale… the one that looks just like the old one… that is set to read 10 pounds heavier than the weight you know your at.

  7. Reggie #115 says:

    I love this story!!

  8. Joan L. says:

    Who can’t relate to those blankety-blank demons?

  9. Val Carano says:

    Well … just so you don’t feel alone … those same demons have arrived here on the east coast. They’ve completely taken over all my mirrors like yours and I’m up at least once every night making that trip.
    With you it’s reading … with me it’s TV. I close my eyes (just to rest them) at about 7:21 PM every week night and when I open them … Wheel of Fortune is on. I haven’t seen Final Jeopardy in months!
    I did pull a fast one on them last August. I got injections in my back to kill the pain. I think maybe the demons were busy with someone else cause after a year, I’m still pain free. Please don’t tell them I mentioned it. LOL.
    Thanks for the wonderful stories Fred!
    Love, Val

  10. Terry says:

    You need to burn sage and smudge as follows. Garlic ….lots of garlic

    Start at the front door of the home and light your smudge stick. Then, begin to move around the home. Move mindfully and with care, walking clockwise around the entire perimeter of the home. Be sure to allow the smoke to drift into even the hidden spaces, like inside closets, basements and dark corners

    Godspeed.

  11. Edith Vondall says:

    Sounds like the demons are all over. I prefer to blame the Drs. if they did a good job we wouldn’t get older. I really wonder why I keep going. I guess I think they will find the magic pill. Anyway now I have demons to blame at least for looking older. Thanks for your stories always appreciated.

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