Face Doesn’t Match

by Fred Prout

Rita and I were slow to embrace high tech. We, like many of you, were Luddites. Progress? Who needs it. Of course, all the gadgets on our vehicles were there, so, might as well use them. Satellite radio for five bucks a month when we were traveling? Sure. Good deal. Listen to “our music “.

Cell phones became a must because we couldn’t find a long enough cord to reach the motor home when we did two hundred miles a day. A couple of times stuff happened on the road. So, a necessity. Good old basic flip phones were certainly good enough. Who needed more?

One day we went to Costco and struck up a conversation with the cell phone guy. Rita resisted, but I walked out with a brand new smart phone. Well, if I didn’t like it, I could return it. After three days of frustration, return it I did. Not one to admit defeat, I went back a few months later to give it another shot. Got two. Rita used hers to make and take calls. I, however, got a magical device that I would one day bend to my will. One day. Not today, but one day.

Over time I got email, banking, the know it all “Boggle” ( you want a plug? pay me).
And now, I can answer your phone call on my new hearing aids. Call me and I’ll prove it. Just let me know before you call so I can put them in.

Someone told me that I didn’t have to use my security code (Adamwest/onlytruebatman ) to get it going. I could use facial recognition. It’s
really cool now, when I can just look at the screen and the little lock opens up.
Talk about Open Sesame Seeds!

Of course, that only happens half the time. The other half I get a message “Face doesn’t match.”

Well damn, it’s the same bleeping face you saw twenty minutes ago. I didn’t put on a clown nose or a Groucho mustache. It’s still me!! I haven’t even moved. I was just reading. So half the time I still have to put in the code. Adamwest etc. That’s a pain with those tiny buttons. And they aren’t even really buttons anymore.

And there is so much unnecessary stuff that magically appears. “Boggle” sends me monthly notifications of how I wasted my time. What? Is it chastising me for succumbing to the temptations it foisted on me? It also sends me a monthly travel summary telling me I didn’t go anywhere except to walk my dog . I don’t want a reminder that I didn’t go anywhere. Again.

And yet, I am never without it. Just in case you call. Honest.

I’m writing this on my iPad. I’m afraid my phone will somehow find out what I said and severely punish me. They don’t talk to each other, do they?

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9 Responses to Face Doesn’t Match

  1. Terry says:

    Be very afraid ….I think they do more than talk to each other Fred….
    As always, you’ve made my day and confirmed some if my own conspiracy theories…

  2. Eric says:

    Deb, (a now retired Software Developer), can/could if we used a cell phone, (other than the old emergency flip top unit that we take (took?) on overseas trips, and which utilizes a prepaid card based in England), understand/manipulate all the technological idiosyncrasies therein.

    Me, I simply, (and I use the word literally), utilize the tried & tested “What NOW!!!??” approach.

    I’ve often said that, had I been around at the time, I might have invented ‘Ludditry’….although the complexities of the movement were likely totally beyond my comprehension.

    (I am, however, hoping to grasp the concept of a stick before I pass on.)

    Keep ’em coming Fred, it’s reassuring to know that, even though I’m far behind you in my understanding, I’m not totally alone.

  3. Kate says:

    . Lots of us RELATE!

  4. Barbara Grundemann says:

    Thanks again for another relatable story. Although I’m somewhere in the middle of you and Janettes age. I have never been a technical genius by any stretch of the imagination. Good on you for your efforts & keep up the stories.
    We Hope to see you in Yachats someday soon!

  5. Joan says:

    Right on Fred.

  6. Marina J says:

    I love that you remi d fks being stagnant is much more about being a certain mental age. Tha ks for being so honest and witty as you describe life’s little foibles.

  7. Edith Vondall says:

    My smart son keeps trying to teach me how to use all that stuff. He has my computer and phone sharing info. So I keep telling him I like old school. So I congratulate you for learning so much.

  8. Shea Rodriguez says:

    So true, Fred! With every update, whether phone or computer, something new is added. My phone and computer are not connected, yet if I do a search on Amazon using phone, the next time I get on the computer all of the ads are for what I was searching for. It works the other way too.

  9. Val Carano says:

    I used a small flip phone for well over 10 years. Only turned it on when I left the house so the kids could reach me if they got no answer on the house phone. Last couple of years I got teased about not moving up to a smart phone, so I gave in. The one you see on TV endorsed by AARP seemed like a good deal so I got one. It was too big for my hand and caused my arthritis pain to worsen. I never called anybody nor did I ever receive a call. It took great pictures and I posted a couple on facebook. That was it. After less than a year, I cancelled the account. I never got rid of the flip phone (thank goodness) and am still using it. Love your stories Fred. Keep em coming!

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