First of all, this story is 92% BS and 10% true. So, if you like silliness, hop on. If you have a problem with it, call me and I’ll deliver my Complete Works of Leo Tolstoy. And a few assorted Dickens to sweeten the pot. Hey, that sounds like an advertising slogan for a certain Oregon agricultural product.
The monsters woke me up at 4:41 this morning with the idea for this story. I’ll take a nap later. The idea came as a result of a visit to some old friends. First actual human to human visit in a long, long time. Socially distant etc. For obvious reasons, I will not name them.
When I called to see if they would like company, Gene said “ sure, but I don’t have any beer “. Taking a subtle hint, I made a quick stop at the local convenience store. That brought to mind this pseudo memory.
Rita and I once lived in a condo complex in the Naugatuck Valley, so named after the Naugatuck River. Said river named after the friendly little Nauga that roamed the area. They prospered and multiplied from almost the beginning of time. They were all over the place until the U.S. Rubber company discovered they could use them to make furniture covering. Very popular in the 50s. They were hunted almost to extinction by locals who gave up hunting deer because they couldn’t make a buck.
The company finally moved their breeding ground to the more civilized Wisconsin where they are treated with dignity and respect. It is said that one local tried to keep a pair and start his own breeding area. Too late he discovered they were named Chad and Phil.
Oh yeah, convenience store.
One of the units in our condo was occupied by the King family. Not their original name which had fourteen letters and one vowel. So Joe and Fay became the Kings. They named their twin boys after the first signs they saw in America. Nopar and Nosmo. They lived with a variety of relations. Some of which we never saw. Bill and Mill were always very polite, but, the old woman called Aunty was flat out nasty and mean. Since everyone including the twins worked at the store,Aunty ran the home with an iron fist. And she hated everyone.
Nowadays it seems fashionable to be anti this or anti that. My only anti has been anti Aunty. I swear,her main job was to teach the family and store employees,THE LOOK. THE LOOK says to all who enter the store, “ Why are you here, and if you try to steal anything, I will shoot you. Check this out next time you go, just please,don’t giggle.
Believe it or not, this is good for business. Among the many reasons people go there:
I am not prejudiced, so I drove ten miles out of my way to prove it.
I come in for the challenge. I may not make you laugh, but smile you will.
Of course the Kings know that if they do, they lose that business.
The beer is very cold, and there is lots to choose from. Oh, and the beer is very cold.
OK: So, hopefully, I have entertained you with the fictitious Joe King ,Fay King, Bill
King, Mill King, Nopar King and Nosmo King. Now it’s your turn. Hit reply, and tell us about some of your fake Kings
Anybody can do it,so let’s go.
PS. Since our stories are now famous on three continents,America, Canada, and the U.K. , maybe some one can explain why it is called the United Kingdom, instead of the United Queendom. Just wondering. Inquiring minds etc.
Written with a minuscule assist by Elvis. The King.