A Scientific Quarantine Project

A SCIENTIFIC QUARANTINE PROJECT 
By Jackie Deal

Quarantining does strange things to the brain. Especially if you’re a well-organized, scientifically- oriented, analytical thinker.  (Not anybody I know!) My brain was turning to mush; I needed something “scientific” to occupy it.  Some kind of research, yes that was it.  But stuck indoors, what was there to research?  Some scientist research really strange things, like should bats wear sun glasses in the day time or do crickets rub their hind legs together more when they’re in love?

What did that leave me to research?  And then I looked around:  Ahah!  From the bedroom came dust bunnies flooding across the floor.  Could dust bunnies be taught to march in formation?  Maybe even salute? And then I noticed the spider webs.  Could spiders be taught to weave cute little place mats instead of fly catchers?

Good research requires a sufficient “n”, that’s the number of subjects being tested.  Well, Good Grief, I certainly had that! And then you need control groups.  One group gets the prescribed treatment and the other gets a placebo, virtually nothing.  Then you run tests to see which group… oh, well, you get the idea.

Now how to divide my dust bunnies into groups?  I suppose I could use a broom but that might harm the little darlings. (And violate my no housework policy.) About that time a draft of wind swept across the floor and part of the bunnies scurried forward.  Aw, yes. We now have a control group and, and, the back-draft swept the rest of the dust bunnies back under the bed.  I am not about to get down on my hands and knees to coax them back out.  Can you think of anything more undignified than an 80+ year old woman on hands and knees cooing to the dust bunnies:  “come out, come out where ever you are.”?

Forget the dust bunnies. How about spider webs?  Have you ever noticed how beautiful spider webs are in the light?  Or outside in the dew drops?  Aw, they just sparkle and shimmer.  Bur also, have you noticed that they’re not perfect?  No, they aren’t symmetrical or even well-balanced.  Gee, you wouldn’t want a place mat that was all off kilter, would you?

So there’s the research project!!  Let’s see if I can teach the spiders to spin a perfectly symmetrical web and then you can worry about how to make a place mat out of it.  I’m not crafty and that would take a really crafty person.  I’m just lazy; it’s easier to dream up research projects than it is to clean!  Shall we be a team?  I’ll supply the spider webs and you make the place mats.

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6 Responses to A Scientific Quarantine Project

  1. Larry a Hultin says:

    I think you are losing it, Jackie

  2. Jill Goldman says:

    Jackie, Fairbanks (pup I am training for Canine Companions) and I will finally be arriving at Timber Valley in April and you are at the top of my list of people I can hardly wait to meet. Thanks for sharing yourself.

  3. Fred says:

    Jackie, the dust bunnies will come out on their own if you make a one foot diameter circle of miniature carrots in the form of a smiley face. When they chow down on the carrots they will eat themselves into a stupor and you can dispose of them train them or whatever.

  4. jackie Deal says:

    Larry, I loved it! Jill, looking forward to meeting you. BTW, who’s top dog? Jackie

  5. Gwen says:

    Hey Jackie – I have a project for you!!! You are so funny! Thanks for the “quarantine” laugh!
    Gwen

  6. Billie Treese says:

    Thanks for the laughs Jackie. We need all we can get!

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