The Three Rs by Jackie Deal

THE THREE Rs
By Jackie Deal

Readin’, Ritin’, and Rithmetic: that’s what the three Rs used to be. But now? How about Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle? Sure, and how do we apply that to the current toilet paper crises? By the way, did you know that Arizona is now number 1? Yep, we’re number 1 in the toilet paper crises. Isn’t it nice to be number 1 in something?

So now let’s get practical. Reduce? Okay, I used to use T. P. for the purpose for which it was intended PLUS I blotted my lipstick, cleaned off the counter, wiped up the floor. No more! Toilet paper is now sacred.

Reuse? I don’t think so! Recycle? Uh, uh. Now paper towels can be reused, if only wet, so I dry them and use them again. So now I’ve got an untidy pile of drying paper towels on my counter. So much for aesthetics.

Recycle? I’ve heard you can use single socks in place of T.P. I like to use them for one time rags; doesn’t matter how dirty they get, you just throw them out. Of course, in next week’s laundry you’ll find the missing orphan sock.

Remember the old Sears or Wards catalogs? Many an outhouse sprouted this reading material. Read it and use it. Those in the know avoided the slick pages, oh yeah! I wonder if the Desert Messenger could be recycled in this way?

Arizona, don’t be too proud. Newport, Oregon may have out done you. The local paper reported that the police chief was begging folks to stop calling 911 when they were out of toilet paper?!! Some elected officials have no sympathy!

Perhaps you remember the stories of the long ago English ship’s captain who loaded plantain leaves aboard and decreed that his men would “wipe” and then, Oh Horrors, wash their hands. They almost declared a mutiny but when all was said and done, that ship had less sick and dying shipmates. Of course they also carried limes (Vitamin C) to prevent scurvy. That’s why they’re called “limeys”.

We don’t have plantain leaves, but real old timers joke about using corncobs. We do have cactus “cobs” but I’m not going to go there. So does that leave us any reduce, reuse, recycle options? Not really. I guess all that’s left is to beg your friends to give you the latest, best gift for your birthday, anniversary, housewarming etc. etc.: TOILET PAPER!