The Gods Smiled

By Fred Prout

Whenever I put the finishing touches on a story, my mind starts focusing on the next one. The process usually involves many false starts, multiple cusswords and crumpled sheets of paper. Not to mention panic attacks. I’m starting this on April 16th. For the June story. At about ten thirty this morning I finished the semi final version of the May endeavor. At twelve thirty I started going through the notes I made that haven’t made the cut. Looking for the next story . Wow, I can’t believe that was a consideration. Lots of false starts and some really dumb ideas. But, ever hopeful, maybe one note can blossom into a full blown story. Usually an agonizing chore. I’ve learned that the best stories are the ones that read like they were written in one sitting. You deserve the best and I really try.

At one thirty my friend and neighbor ( I’ll call her Angie) knocked on my door seeking an emergency ride to the drug store. ” I ran totally out and I need to get pills at Freddie’s.” Pen and paper put down in a flash and away we go. Unfortunately there was not a raging rain storm, tornado or six feet of snow. So I banked no much needed karma. We were rewarded with gorgeous weather. We go into the store and, of course, there is the mandatory long line at the pharmacy. I mean a loooong line.

Don’t get me wrong. This was a good thing. See, it allowed me the opportunity to roam the store. Now, I haven’t been in Freddie’s for about a year and the last time resulted in a pretty damn good story. It took place in the shoe department. Gave me a chance to ridicule step in shoes. But lightning doesn’t strike twice . Or does it?

I wandered through the grocery department and did a ” holy crap ” as I looked at the prices. See, I live in a place that gives me three squares a day so I don’t buy groceries. But you poor people who do have my sincere sympathy. I’ve read all the horror stories in the news, but, seriously,how on earth can you manage.

Next up menswear . Since it’s roughly eighty or so days until July fourth, all the patriotic shirts, hats and other accoutrements are on display. So I take the opportunity to look around. More holy craps at the prices. I think some of you have an idea of where this is going. Of course you do. Look at the labels. Made in China . Guatemala. Viet Nam. Not one damn shirt made in South Carolina. FOR THE TWO HUNDRED FIFTIETH ANNIVERSARY OF THESE UNITED STATES!!! Not one single tag on one single item. NOT ONE SINGLE TAG !!! I mean GUATEMALA???

Before I get to the next section of the store I must apologize to some of you. See, I have to admit that I am uneducated about some of the difficulties people have with eating. I never realized how hard it can be. I mean I realize that you may not eat a certain kind of meat. Or any kind. But all the problems that can happen. Our great chef , Charlie, meets with people and tries to accommodate their dietary restrictions. Allergies to this and that. Diabetes and other diseases. Religious beliefs. And I’m not sure what in the world gluten is. It boggles the mind. I know, of course , there are vegetarians and vegans . They would have trouble eating the stuff I thrive on. I guess I’m lucky.

So, to my vegan friends, apologies for what comes next. I sincerely mean no offense. Really. It’s entirely just ignorance on my part.

Now I’m in the shoe department. Just browsing because I have problem feet. Always on the lookout for the next best thing. And a good sale. I see a box I’ve never seen before. I was so stunned I had to take a picture because I thought no one would believe me if I just said that I saw a pair of vegan shoes. You heard me. VEGAN SHOES. The box of Sketchers said VEGAN SHOES. I’m sorry. But I just don’t get it. What exactly does that mean? I told a friend about it this morning. He said “One good thing. If they can’t afford the groceries, they can always eat the shoes. After all it is SOLE food.” Think about it. The moral of the story is simple. If I hadn’t done a good deed we all would have missed a pretty decent story. Seems like a good place to end. But where in the world is GUATEMALA???

Fred