By Fred Prout
Transient observations of a couple of life’s absurdities.
This piece has absolutely, positively no reference to one am wake up calls and not wearing hearing aids. Promise!!!
It is possible to do two things at the same time. Reading, observing and thinking for example. About the English language for one. I have violated at least half of the numerous rules of use. Sometimes intentionally. Sometimes not.
I read a lot. I have battled with the letter G for a long time. There are stories and nursery rhymes about gnomes. Before we talk about them, I would like to know how an H got into rhymes. Were there leftover Hs from British authors who wrote about Enery Iggins? I guess if you don’t use it you lose it.
So, gnomes added a G. What happened to all those other Gs? One theory is that someone created the word phlegm to describe your morning hawck. Come to think of it ,why start the word with ph ? Did we overuse the F word to the point of extinction? No I don’t think so. But, I digress. Reach into the box of extra Gs and create phlegm if you must. Not the morning kind.
Now we get to the letter P. It is sounded by Pursing the liPs and Pushing air to make a P sound. Well, I guess not always. Cause we have what is called a silent P. One of my favorites is Psycho. I don’t know why it’s one of my favorites. Maybe I hear it a lot. There are also real things and Pseudo things. I think that imPlies make believe. Like Pseudo leather. Or Pseudo food. Like Parsley or sPam. There’s even a Pill made with what is called Psyllium. It makes you PooP.
I’m sure there are many other things I could bring uP but I’ll let you work on these confusing words. Just so you can become really Proficient in this exercise try to think of other examPles. I would like you to start every morning with a silent P. Then move on to other words with lost or extra letters. It’s not just rhetoric. Rhetoric? There’s another one. Click on rePly and let us know what kind of weird stuff you can add .
There’s gotta be ruffly a bazillion laffs to be found. I just know they’re there. Ya know? Oh, a silent K. Well…
Fred
This is hilarious, Fred. But it makes me wonder: What time of day these emanations of your fertile mind occur? And are you cultivating or consuming those recently legalized mushrooms with the silent p? If not, I hope you can get back to sleep! Best wishes to you and your current lady. And thanks for another early morning smile. Rick