by Fred Prout
The big table. Ratcheds Senior Center. Lingering fragrance of pine and confetti. The mixed sounds of Christmas and New Year’s Eve just a diminishing echo. Barely heard but well remembered. The usual cast of characters plus a few new faces. Shirley Knott Shewill Knott is a bit surly today. Can’t blame her. It’s been a long uphill battle getting from then to now.
Shirley brings the coffee pot over and provides necessary refills. “You can tell they got cheaper coffee. I fought my best fight, but the powers that be don’t have to drink it. They have no problem going to Ahab’s and paying eight bucks for a paper cup of fancy dancey swill. That way they can show their friends that they can afford it.”
T turns down a refill. First time ever. “Last night at the party I got into the eggnog. And a spit load of other stuff. Sometimes waking up at 1AM is a good idea. But last night the warring factions in my gut declared a truce. Which is fine but they all decided to leave the battlefield at the same time. GET UP IMMEDIATELY!!!
Jump out of bed. Six feet down the hallway. Teeth clenched along with everything else. OK, not the teeth. Duck running all the way. Only another mile. Can I make it? Open the door. Almost trip on my drawers. AHHHH.Huge sigh of relief. I MADE IT.”
Yours truly: “Thanks for the visual T. Glad it all worked out. Oh! No pun intended.”
T: “Don’t worry. It was a crappy pun. Oh. Sorry. No pun intended. Oh, here comes my new neighbor. C’mon over Watson. Meet the gang”
Newbie introduces himself around the table.
WF: “Hi all. I’m Watson Furst. Just moved next to T a couple weeks ago. Glad to meet you. T keeps telling me about the coffee group. Hi Aggie. Nice to see you again. Finally unpacked and ready for whatever. Misty will be here shortly.”
Harry Wartzenall grabs a chair and makes room for our new addition.
“Watson Furst? Not to be nosy but I always thought it was WHO’s on first. What’s on second?”
WF: “My dad was a jokester. He wanted to name me Hoosan but mom put her foot down. So for the last seventy years it’s been Watson Furst. Aggie and I were inmates at the retirement place over in Daisy. She’s the one who told us about Ratcheds.”
Aggie Damia, a former academic,( got it? ) takes a sip of chai tea. “You missed out on the community Christmas party, but Maggie and I were glad to see you and Misty made it to the New Year’s Eve celebration. I know you were shocked last year when everyone left at seven thirty.”
WF: “You mention community. When you told us what a great community Ratcheds is I was sold. We went to Daisy thinking it was a community. Turns out it’s become a bunch of people staying in their rooms and never getting involved with anything. It’s also gotten to be a place to dump Granny.Hey there’s Misty.” He pulls out a chair and his lady joins us.
Misty Meanor, new dispatcher for the Ratcheds police department grabs a mug and sits down . “Just got out of a meeting with Chief Muldoon and Officer Toody. I’m going to tell you I’m so happy to be here. They actually asked for feedback. Best place I’ve ever worked. Relaxed but professional. The townspeople are fantastic. Sometimes the visitors don’t quite get it but overall Watson and I are very happy to be here.”
Tilda Morrow pipes up. “I don’t know who’s idea it was to park the old Car 54 outside of town, but Harry and I could watch the drivers hit the brakes and slow down as soon as they saw the car with a hair dryer sticking out the window. Great, here comes Wanda.”
T gets up, grabs a chair and gives Wanda a kiss. “Grab me a coffee,T and I’ll give all the ladies some great news. I just ran into Bob Ushka on the way here. You know he had a business making scarves. Well, he found a bunch of his old stock and he’s going to give them to all the ladies who come to the next town meeting. So spread the word. Maybe we can get something done about the serious problem with the mail service.”
Well on that note, all of us in Ratcheds wish all of you a very Happy and Healthy New Year. And until next time we bid you a Fonda Do. Not quite sure exactly what that means, and what Jane’s hair style has to do with anything but people keep saying it..
That’s all for now from Ratcheds. A little town on the coast where everyone is beautiful, above average and at least one degree off center.
Thanks Fred, Happy New Year to you.
Fred, you can pull off puns and one-liners and jokes faster than the average person can read them. Thanks for being just you. JACKIE
Great way to start the new year, Fred! I will admit, I did have to read some of the names a second time. Thanks for the laugh.
Happy New Year and we finally got some snow. About half inch but its something.
Great as usual Fred. Happy New Year.
Another great one Fred! I love your cast of characters!
Val