The Devil In the Router

By Fred Prout

I write this as a reformed Luddite. Cancel progress. Too much is too much!

Bring back the golden days of radio when we could use our imagination. Orson Wells could play The Thin Man, Lake Woebegone Days kept our interest, and we didn’t know, or care, that Amos and Andy and The Kingfish were white guys. I now savor progress. I have all the electronics. Wide screen color hi def tv, iPad, smart phone and, yes, internet. No way could I exist without them.

My retirement facility, The Home For Delinquent Seniors, has made a deal with the local cable company. Some have said, a deal with the devil. “ It sends out death rays. It corrupts young people. It scams seniors out of their life savings.”

But, progress will be made. We will now have high speed internet in all of our apartments, at a lower cost. Or not. There is a movement among a few dedicated resistors to deny access to the poor cable guy. Taking quill to inkwell, they will mount a campaign to slay the beast. “ Not in my home “ they say. They will put on their bonnets,hitch up the horses and circle the wagons.

Shortly before the abomination started, Sargent and I were at breakfast comparing notes on “ coincidences “ occurring when we used Boggle. I had recently mentioned that I had bought frozen chili enchiladas from Costco. The next day he got a pop up ad for these same chili enchiladas. That got us going on other “coincidences “ where Boggle read our mail and, quite probably, our minds.

My cousin had just sent me an email, and at the bottom of the page, Boggle suggested a reply. They had to have been reading my mail. The nerve!

Dinner time.

The usual suspects at my dinner table are myself, another couple, and a rotation of Sargent and Matilda. On Matilda’s day, she announced “ No way are they putting that devil’s tool in my home. It has bad stuff and shows naked people. People say bad words, so, no way.” Sometimes my impishness takes over and I have to stoke the fire. I can’t help it.It’s who I am. Naturally, I had to bring up some of the aforementioned Boggle experiences. The more outrageous things I said the madder she got. When dinner was over, she left in a rage. More determined than ever to keep the devil in the router out of her home. Did I mention that sometimes I can’t help myself?

Before I wrote this, I talked to Matilda and she saw the humor of the situation. She agreed to let me write this on the condition of anonymity. Thanks, Mary, you are a good sport.