The Magic Lamp

I just read a scientific survey. It was published by Fox News. So you know it’s accurate and unbiased. The scientists concluded that 99.6% of the English-speaking population of The United States of America do not understand the concept of exaggeration. Or subtlety. Or satire. Or sarcasm. I am, indeed, fortunate to be addressing the remaining 2.5 %.

I have to admit that I occasionally use any, or, all of these devices from time to time. Just for your added enjoyment. Sometimes a very bland story can be punched up by using these enhancements.

I mean, people write stories about their cats, dogs, goldfish and turtles. WHO CARES? So your dog can stand up on two legs and beg. So what? Your cat can chase a mouse. Give me a break! I think people would like to read about real-life things.

Like my Magic Lamp. No, no Aladdin and Open Sesame Crackers. A. Real. Magic. Lamp. Let me explain.

My Magic Lamp is located next to my recliner. I quite often sit there and read. Before I do, I check fourteen year old Kelly. She is two rooms away, sleeping the sleep of the just. One ear inside out, head resting on the edge of her bed emitting puppy snores. She is out for the count. I go back to the recliner, grab the latest book, open to the appropriate page, remove Joan’s magnetic bookmark and start reading. After a few pages, my eyes get heavy and I realize that a nap is in order. Bookmark in place, book closed, glasses on the table, turn off the light, close eyes.

HUFFA HUFFA HUFFA WAG WAG WAG BANG BANG BANG. Nose banging on my leg.The click of the Magic Lamp alerted my little friend that her bladder has filled up in the last ten minutes. There is no way you could nap through that. So, hook up the leash, go outside, witness a courtesy pee. “ See, I did have to go. Let’s go home so I can continue my nap. You’re on your own.” The Magic Lamp strikes again.

As a student of the great philosophers, I am always happy to quote the greatest minds of all time. Berra, Hegel, Kant, Guthrie or Vader. The best quote for today is from Garfield. “Sarcasm is wasted on the simple “ See if you can figure it out.
—
Fred Prout