It seems like the whole world resonates with the sound and feel of
grieving. It has been nearly two years since the beginning of the “great
pandemic” and we are still losing loved ones at an alarming rate. Add to
that the number of people dieing of old age and other illnesses. Sometimes
it seems like our flags are in a perpetual state of half mast. We live in a new
world of partial or full isolation and our grief seems insurmountable. How
do we move forward in a world that no longer holds the ones we held dear?
Grief. The dictionary defines grief as the response to the loss of
someone or some living thing that has died, to which a bond was formed.
Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, grief
also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, cultural, spiritual and
philosophical dimensions. Grief is like a fingerprint – no two people grieve
the same or for the same length of time.

Grief counselors and psychologists state that there are seven stages of
grief: shock or disbelief, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, and
acceptance/hope. Again no two people are the same. You may be moving
forward only to wake up one day to find you have regressed to an earlier
stage. That is normal! Death of a spouse is one of the hardest to deal with
and when that spouse is a soulmate it is devastating. Professionals have
documented and attest that soulmates are legitimate. When a soulmate dies
it is like a part of you has been ripped away and the grieving process may be
long lasting. When you lose your spouse you have to learn how to live as a
single instead of a half. Not only are you grieving the loss of your mate, you
are now faced with a new social and financial standing. Where do you fit in
in the new scheme of things?

You will find that some people are very understanding and
compassionate while other who may have moved on sooner, think you
should just suck it up and move on too. Ignore them! You will move on at
your own rate. There are no rights and wrongs. Talk to friends, join a
support group or write your feelings down. There are books and internet
blogs with good information and support. You are not alone. Eventually
you will accept and find your place in your new world. You will never stop
missing your loved one but you will learn to focus more on the beautiful
memories the two of you made together.

If you know someone who is grieving, be kind, listen to them no
matter how many times they need to talk. Your support can make a
difference. Your caring will be greatly appreciated
Ruby Bonham 12-10-2021

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7 Responses to Grief

  1. Jackie Jones Lot 102 says:

    Ruby that was such a powerful read. Thank you so much for opening our eyes to this subject, we have all gone through this at one time or another. You are a very strong women keep up your great writing.

  2. Fred says:

    Ruby this is a very powerful piece. Especially now when more people face depression than any other time. You have pointed out that it is a normal feeling and it is OK to reach out to get help or to give help. We are all part of a sharing and caring community.

  3. George Reel says:

    The loss of a loved one is something that is very hard to handle and was said by you very hard alone. I buried two wife’s Dorothy after 40 years of marriage. The second Truby after 20 years. Trudy’s passing was here in the park. The help that I received is beyond any thanks I can give. Yes, reach out and give your love and support to the one who is alone. One thing else, don’t let him – her remain alone.. invites to your home, a vist to them, phone call, invite out to dinner. Not just for the first week, remember, they are still members of the family.
    Again thanks for all the support that was given to me at Trudy’s passing.
    George Reel


  4. Joan L. says:

    Simply a sincere thank you.

  5. Reggie says:

    Thank you, Ruby for this beautiful article, filled with such compassion and empathy. What a kind loving soul you are.

    Reggie #115

  6. Steve Jones lot 102 says:

    Thank you Ruby, I will keep this one close to my heart ❤

  7. Jackie deal says:

    Ruby, you said all the right things, made all the right points and said it so well. There is nothing to add or to subtract. Thank you for being you and for sharing. Love, Jackie

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