It seems like the whole world resonates with the sound and feel of
grieving. It has been nearly two years since the beginning of the “great
pandemic” and we are still losing loved ones at an alarming rate. Add to
that the number of people dieing of old age and other illnesses. Sometimes
it seems like our flags are in a perpetual state of half mast. We live in a new
world of partial or full isolation and our grief seems insurmountable. How
do we move forward in a world that no longer holds the ones we held dear?
Grief. The dictionary defines grief as the response to the loss of
someone or some living thing that has died, to which a bond was formed.
Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, grief
also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, cultural, spiritual and
philosophical dimensions. Grief is like a fingerprint – no two people grieve
the same or for the same length of time.
Grief counselors and psychologists state that there are seven stages of
grief: shock or disbelief, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, and
acceptance/hope. Again no two people are the same. You may be moving
forward only to wake up one day to find you have regressed to an earlier
stage. That is normal! Death of a spouse is one of the hardest to deal with
and when that spouse is a soulmate it is devastating. Professionals have
documented and attest that soulmates are legitimate. When a soulmate dies
it is like a part of you has been ripped away and the grieving process may be
long lasting. When you lose your spouse you have to learn how to live as a
single instead of a half. Not only are you grieving the loss of your mate, you
are now faced with a new social and financial standing. Where do you fit in
in the new scheme of things?
You will find that some people are very understanding and
compassionate while other who may have moved on sooner, think you
should just suck it up and move on too. Ignore them! You will move on at
your own rate. There are no rights and wrongs. Talk to friends, join a
support group or write your feelings down. There are books and internet
blogs with good information and support. You are not alone. Eventually
you will accept and find your place in your new world. You will never stop
missing your loved one but you will learn to focus more on the beautiful
memories the two of you made together.
If you know someone who is grieving, be kind, listen to them no
matter how many times they need to talk. Your support can make a
difference. Your caring will be greatly appreciated
Ruby Bonham 12-10-2021