Do Cats Swear?

“MMWRO-WOW!! FSSST!”  “Amber! Were those cuss words?” “Mrowww!  Fssst!”  “Amber!  I do believe you’re swearing!”  “wrrrorrrw-wow.”  “Amber, lovely little lady kitties don’t swear!”  “rrorwrr-rr.”  “Hmm, my mistake, I guess they do!”

Amber twitches her tail, gives me her golden-eyed glare and stalks from the room.  What did I do to deserve such treatment? Well, I didn’t see her, honest, I didn’t, and when I tossed a pillow onto the bed it landed right on top of her.  Not a nice way to be awakened from the first of 99 naps for the day.

Cats can nap anywhere, anytime. A box half their size, a cushion just barely big enough; they curl into impossible little balls and nap happily.  Other times they stretch out, on their backs, feet extended and take up the whole walkway. “Look out, My Human, you better walk around me”.

Amber has a whole vocabulary of cat language and she’s rapidly developing “Cat-elish”.  Unfortunately, I’m somewhat lacking in communication skills. She lets me know my deficiencies.  The arched back, the twitching tail and the arrogantly tilted ears, as she turns her back on me.  You haven’t been ignored until you’ve been ignored by a cat!

If you have a cat, you know where-of I speak.  If not, why not hie yourself down to an animal refuge and see if there’s a cat that will adopt you?  Don’t tell me YOU adopt a cat or “rescue” them.  Huh! A cat will grace your household for a trial period to see if YOU meet their standards.  Amber isn’t sure about me yet, tho she has extended my probationary period.

There are things she’d like to change, I’m sure.  Like every time, yes, every time I walk across the room should be Treat Time. And I have too many interests and occupations that don’t include her. Walking on the computer keyboard as I type is not as satisfying as getting Treats.  While my pencils and pastel chalks are fun to bounce off the table and chase across the room…anybody for Treats?  Don’t even mention my ukulele practice, (Yes, I’m still fussing around with the ukulele.) She covers her ears with her little white mittens, switches her tail and finally runs for cover when she can’t stand  the caterwauling anymore. Would I could join her!

Why didn’t I get a dog?  Don’t let Amber know but sometimes I wonder.  Dogs, so they tell me, love you unconditionally, all the time. Amber, gives me that knowing look and asks “What have you done today to deserve my love?”  “Kitty, Kitty, Come,come,come: Treats!” Aw yes, a silky black back and a shimmering white bib to pet, a furry elegance that, once you know your place, tolerates your attention. And loving gold eyes that say, “I promise not to swear at you anymore.”

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1 Response to Do Cats Swear?

  1. Kelly says:

    Jackie. Dogz r better. I’m coming home next week.

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