by Fred Prout
I was going to do a warm up by telling a story about a boxer. But, I forgot the punch line.
Stories are everywhere. You just need to be there and recognize them. Usually the harder you look the more elusive they are. Usually.
Many years ago I decided that going to the gym on a regular basis would extend and enhance my life . I was terribly out of shape but surely ten minutes a week would have me looking like Arnold Scharzenwhoever. The brutal reality was that I more resembled Arnold from Green Acres.
When I became closer to eighty than seventy, I started going with a passion. Now, I’m not going to brag or bore you with how ripped I am. Or that I can now lift an entire bottle of beer. With no assistance. But I can. One handed even.
The gym is also a wonderful place for stories. There are what you would call gym rats. Several hours a day doing stuff. And watching themselves doing it in the conveniently placed mirrors. The kids trying to impress each other . And let’s not forget the fashionista ladies. New outfit every day and some of them really work hard.
I’ll mention a small subset of the latter. But, first I have to tell you that all observations that follow, are strictly professional. Writing stories and so forth. No lechery or prurience involved. Strictly so my thousands of readers may learn and enjoy. Really, it’s all for you. Honest. Seriously.
I happened to notice that there is a new product on the market. Remember when some young ladies purchased what I’ll call upstairs assistance for perceived deficiencies ? Well, there’s now help available for those who might be self-conscious about the lower end.
I’ll call them ‘ BUTTSIES’ for lack of a better word. I did a little research and found that you can buy really ,really tight fitting gym shorts that have areas on the backside where you can insert these foam items for whatever look you are going for. Thing is ,they are VERY obvious. You just can’t help seeing that things are a tad , well, weird. Used to be, a guy would break into a cold sweat if he heard the dreaded words “ Does this make my butt look big?” Now it seems that they want it to look big. And I guess you’re not supposed to look. Trust me on this. You would think that if someone goes to the expense of buying these things, they would appreciate your noticing. WRONG!!! REALLY, REALLY WRONG!!!
I hope you appreciate all the hard work and sacrifices involved in entertaining you. And please, wise cracks if you must , but, please,no butt cracks.
Yabbut…
