The Circle Game

By Fred Prout

Four years ago I wrote a piece about The Merry Go Round and some of the effects it had on my life. If you didn’t read it let me know and I’ll send it to you. I used to work in a penny arcade as a kid. The centerpiece was the flying horses. The carousel music bounced around in my head for hours after I left work. A couple of decades later my daughter painted one of the horses. Many of my stories are the result of music. It has a tendency to kick start my brain and make me scribble notes for a potential story.

Sometimes a song will bring you back to a particular time and place of your journey . The other day I heard Joni Mitchell singing her Circle Game. It’s about how a young person is affected by passing time. Like we all were. But all of us differently. Time represented by the spinning of the globe. The words and music have been a constant companion for the last week. I try not to be repetitive in subject matter, but, it’s four years for crying out loud. And if my head can’t stop repeating a song I hear, get over it. The lyrics just keep banging around in my head. Trying to slip out onto paper.

“And the seasons they go round and round and the painted ponies go up and down “.

The seasons. Well what they are in this instance are accumulations of a whole bunch of yesterdays. Every spin of our fragile orb adds a new yesterday. Everything we did on any given yesterday has found itself a little crevice in our brain. Lots of stuff on lots of yesterdays, hiding and just waiting for some little sight or sound or thought to let it explode into a full blown memory. One tiny piece of a song lyric can become all consuming and mushroom into the recollection of a moment. Or a year. A millisecond of music leads to the remembrance of something special that happened to us. Sometimes good. Sometimes not. A moment of joy. Or fear. Sometimes almost unbearable pain. Many emotions can be found in this millisecond. Sometimes life is like the carousel. We get on. We ride for a while. We get off. Sometimes get the brass ring. Mostly not. But always reaching. Mostly.

“We’re captive on the carousel of time.”

We are accustomed to thinking that our lives go in a perfectly straight line. Start to finish with all of the predictable stops in between. School, marriage , parenthood, career ,retirement and beyond. All the zigs and zags that happen are little bonuses that add to our existence. The frosting on our cake. The more candles the sweeter the frosting. The highs and lows of our existence are like the ups and downs of the painted ponies. If you think about it this only describes the fortunate ones. Some of the ponies just stay on one level. Those riders miss the highs as well as the lows. What a terrible thought. Like the carousel our lives don’t go in a straight line anymore than our spinning planet.

“We can’t return we can only look behind
From where we came “

We can’t go back to the best time ever. Or the worst. If we are exceedingly fortunate, the memories of the past will help us deal with the uncertainties of the future. Pick a time. Any time. High school prom, wedding day, losing a job, having a child. Remembering the fear and excitement of writing your first story. Hang on as we make another circle. Visualize what you hope tomorrow will bring. So many things that could happen. Good things. Bad things. Things that we don’t even pay attention to at the time. Just putting these words to paper reminds me of many of the lessons of life that were oh, so painful at the time. I thank my good fortune that I have been able to learn to do better. To try harder. And to appreciate all of the great things I have. And the people. Without the lows the highs would have little meaning. Every tomorrow will become a yesterday.

“And go round and round in the circle game.”

Ok. Almost done. Hopefully the words and music are bouncing around in your head. If you don’t remember them check Boggle. Go to sleep tonight. Get a good night’s rest. Or wake up at 3 am and realize that you get it. Or you don’t. Maybe you get it later. Maybe never. Does it really matter? Just hang on for another spin. And then… well ,maybe it is just a game. Maybe we are just renting time and space. I hope not. Think about it.

“And go round and round and round…”

Thanks to Joni Mitchell