By Fred Prout
Something about this time of year. Holidays. Birthdays. Year ending. Year beginning. I guess it’s just a good time to take stock of your life. Stop and think about it. Where are you going? Where have you been? Have you invested your gifts? Have you squandered them? We all started life with pretty much a blank slate. What we did from there is pretty much who and what we are now . Has our life had meaning? Was it successful? How to know.
There are many different ways to determine whether you have lived a successful life. Some people use the accumulation of wealth as a measurement. Cars, houses, bling. What they call the accoutrements. Others use the accomplishments of their children. Or their own works. Their place in the world. Their ranking. We’ve all talked to people who did “blah blah blah.””And then I yakkety yakkety yak yak.” Letting us know.
A couple of years ago I had a moment of absolute clarity. I have lived a very successful life. Tell you how I figured it out.
When you lose a spouse your life changes very significantly. The we is now a me ,and how the hell do I manage to get through this day. The silence is deafening.There is a veil of darkness hanging just out of reach. Everything and everybody is a reminder of what was. And no longer is. Pull the blanket over your head and stay in bed. The pain can’t get to you. The darkness is seductive. Welcoming. No reason to get up and face the day. Unless…
You have a dog. A four legged embodiment of unconditional love.
Many of you knew Kelly. I know, all dogs are special. But you who knew her will understand. Kelly was special. I won’t bore you with the details of how and why she was special. Frankly, I really don’t think I can find the words to explain it. She just kept the sharp edges of life from drawing blood.
And then she was gone. Just like that. Had to do it. The darkness that was held at bay was doing a victory dance. Blanket at the ready. Darkness circling like vultures.And threatening to claim another victim. This is when IT happened. The moment of clarity I mentioned.
See, I was able to understand that the success of a life is determined by the people you have been able to include in it. I’ll repeat this in a moment.
I opened my door one day to find my sweetheart Willie, Tonya and June carrying a little cactus in a mug. It has a picture of Kelly and it said “ YOU WERE MY FAVORITE HELLO AND MY HARDEST GOODBYE .” I weep with gratitude every time I look at it. Just as I am weeping now writing about it. A couple of years later. That same day my friend Tammy brought me a stuffed animal that looks just like Kelly.I treasure it and always will.I am truly one lucky soul. They did something truly special. They showed me how fortunate I was. My daughter has done that numerous times also.
So, the way I see it, the measure of a life is not the cars you drive. The houses you buy or any of a hundred ways we think matters.What really counts are the people in your orbit. The people who choose you. The people who let you know that you matter. The success of a life is determined by the people you have been able to include in it.
My life has been a success, despite many slips, because of the people who have been included in it. I’ve mentioned but a few of the wonderful people I have been blessed with. There are countless more. I hope you know who you are. Thank You. You all mean more to me than I can ever express.
Fred
So true, Fred. My life here in Portland is very easy and comfortable. But until I found friends and purpose, I was just existing. Now I have multiple friends, and I make posters and protest every Friday—even in the rain. That’s my purpose. Life is good!
Fred. Just as you recognize the people and animals who have entered your orbit and touched your life, please remember that you too have touched others. Your ability to see the connections gives you insight. Ed and I were glad you and Rita bumped into our orbit. When Ed died followed soon after by Rita, we were able to relate and help each other process the grief. When Kelly, Dolly and DeeDee followed them, we grieved again. You have been blessed to have Willie join your orbit and help take the edge off of some of life’s challenges. Keep bumping your way along my friend. I am glad you had been a part of my life.
Fred, your honest words helped me not feel alone. A couple of months ago I lost my dog Willow who had been my wonderful traveling companion for many years. And then not long after I had open heart surgery with a few complications (though I’m doing well now). The love and support of my friends kept me from hiding and darkness through both events. I’m on my way to Timber Valley to stay the next several months so I can mentally and physically heal. The Escapees parks are wonderful friendly communities, which I especially need right now. Your thoughts reminded me of a quote I read while in the hospital and that now have real meaning to me: “One of the most important things you can do on this earth is to let people know they are not alone.” (Shannon Alder) Thank you! Richard Wassen