Ratcheds 7/4/2025

You may notice some new names today. I think they sound better if you say them aloud. Come to think of it they won’t sound at all if you don’t. So…….

My feet hurt. My back hurts. My head hurts. I know there’s a captive belch hiding somewhere in my gut. Waiting for the worst possible moment to escape. Lots of beer at the Ratcheds Fourth of July celebration. The My Oh My parade . Hot dogs, burgers and seafood. All crying for attention. Let’s not forget the ten samples of chili. I’ve got to learn to say no. I hope it’s a belch.

Fifth of July. Ratcheds Senior Center. The big table. For some reason we’re early. Attending the confab are T Rex , fka Thomas King, his lady Wanda who’s Kissinger now, Harry Wartzenal and Tilda Morrow. Just joining us is O.J. Dart. She marched in the parade carrying Dick the dog.

Shirley Knott Shewill Knott brings the coffee pot with a much needed round of refills. She makes sure we all have addons if we need.
Many smiles of thanks. This year’s My Oh My Parade was a howling success. Now the boas, feathers and banners are all put to bed to rest up for another year.

Our friend, Darla Day, pulls up a chair and grabs a mug from Shirley. “ T I’m so glad you invited me to march in the parade. Ratcheds is such a special place. I haven’t been back since you had that wonderful send off for Don. You are all amazing people. I especially have to thank Ted and Gracie for letting me wear that flapper outfit . Somebody told me I looked better than Jack Lemon in that movie. “

Yours Truly. “ You had a great group to walk with. Jay and Kaye from the Square Circle Wine Shoppe were celebrating their anniversary and really enjoyed carrying the banner. The gals from Africa, Sharon Getty and her sister Callie Hari came all the way from Nairobi to strut their stuff. You made a big hit with Kat and Barb and Harry Cain from Florida. I think T and Wanda put a little extra zip in their step cause you were all representing the Ratchedtorium. I know Ted and Gracie were delighted with the attention.”

Local dentist Ginger Vitas wanders over. She was marching with Esther Prynne and the Scarlet Ladies. “ Those women were something else. By the time we got halfway through the parade their faces were as red as their outfits. The more they lifted their water bottles the redder they looked. I thought Lois Bidder from the Ratcheds Roofing Company wasn’t going to make it to the end of the parade.I’ve got to ask Esther what was in the bottles so I can offer a sip to some of my cranky patients. “

Al Sordo, our favorite audiologist, comes over and grabs a mug. Shirley fills. “ Robin Banks and I were fascinated by some of the costumes people wore. Wanda had this yellow and black muu muu that reminded me of a bumblebee. That new knee was really put to the test the way she was buzzing around giving high fives all over the place.”

T. “Gotta tell you though, from what Wanda and I heard, the hit of the parade was the tow truck from Eddie Pusser’s Wrecks. His mom, Lucy Lastics from the stationary store sitting next to the hook and waving it at Chief Muldoon and officer Toody driving Car 54. Boy, the chief and his brother really decked out that old car. Ribbons and banners galore. Gunther even waved the hair dryer they use as a pretend radar gun.”

Wanda. ” I don’t know T. Tommi Storm and the Garden Hos sure got a lot of hooting and hollering. Those bikinis and flower leis combined with rakes and hoes sure made an impression. Tommi may be short but she got those gals swingin and shakin.”

T. ” There was enough extra skin to make a whole bunch of drums. I think they all starved themselves for a month to fit into those bandaids and bandannas .”

Harry W. “I think the food this year was the best ever. Remember when Sal Minella’s Discount Fish was here. We had about a dozen people get sick. I had a minor problem going between the Taco truck with Jimmy Changa and Casey Dilla on one side, and Anne Chovey on the pizza wagon. My own fault. Too much temptation. Tilda and I had dueling belches half the night.”

Tilda Morrow. “ Harry you left out why you slept on the couch. They weren’t all belches.”

Watson Furst and Misty Meanor wander over and grab mugs. Shirley fills.
Watson. “ If I’m talking too loud I apologize. We were marching with Val Halla and Houda Thunk in the Norwegian Ooompah Band. It’ll be weeks before I can hear anything. Last night Misty asked me to pass the ice water. So I got up and got her a fly swatter. She looked at me like I was crazy. When I explained she said ‘ I apologize’. So I got up and got her some apple pie.”

MM.” I told him it was good pie so he got up and started to leave. He thought that I said goodbye “

O.J. “T it was great meeting your cousin Dar Jeeling. We talked about some of the places we’ve visited. As we were comparing notes on the little Mexican village of La Nariz, Bonus Diaz overheard and said she wasn’t being nosy but she had family there. She wondered why we picked that particular place. I guess you just have to pick someplace.”

Barb Dwyer swings by . “I ran into Bill and Penny Short from the bank. They were enjoying a Kosher and Halal hot dog at the stand run by Muhammad Ali Katz and Aida Pickle . I was fascinated by all the dietary laws they have to follow just to make a hot dog. It was the best I’ve ever had.”

Kat joins the crew. “ I’m an idiot. I’ve spent weeks giving away some of my books. So what did I go and do? I bought a copy of Mackie Velli’s Prints. He’s a great artist but I don’t need another book. He had the best location of all the vendors. Right between Bud Miller’s Beer stand and Dewey Needham’s porta potties. Talk about a captive audience.”

T signals for Shirley. “ Tell me. How is the new puppy doing?”

S.K. “ He’s doing great. Got his papers straightened out. He’s officially Woody Knott. Funny how they tried to name him Shih Tzu Knott. Anyway, training is all about positive reinforcement. Every time he does a poop outside I tell him he’s a good boy . The other day Olive Branch, the army recruiter, heard me and piped up ‘ I think it’s nice that you’re congratulating him for doing a poop. Does anyone pay you the same compliment when you do a poop?’'” No, I told her, but the guy on the corner keeps yelling at me to stay the hell off his lawn.”

Well that’s a good place to wrap this up. That’s all from Ratcheds. A quirky little town on the coast where everyone is beautiful and at least one degree off center. Happy Anniversary guys.Love you both.