Life Changes

by Fred Prout

Our life can change in an instant. Large scale event like Covid-19, individual event like surgery, or anything in between. Many people have handled the Covid change constructively. Having free time and isolation can spur the creative process in ways that are hard to comprehend.

One person used their time and imagination to create a new word. And a new medical condition to go along with it.

Aibohpphobia.

Now, if you are one of the six unfortunates who are affiliated with this malady, stop reading NOW. I will be using specific words to describe this syndrome. You have been warned.

Aibohpphobia is the word used to describe the sudden and irrational fear of palindromes. A palindrome is a word that is spelled the same forward and backwards. Ironically, Aibohpphobia is a palindrome.

Examples: Dad, Mom, Wow, Poop.

Poop. Glad I thought of that. My recent life change involves just that. Hospital instructions after losing part of my colon and acquiring a bag ; “ Don’t let it get wet “ and don’t feed it after midnight. Strike that last part.

Adapt or die. As soon as I was able, I bought an industrial sized box of Saran Wrap. I would be using it to partially mummify myself to take a shower. (YOU, GET THAT IMAGE OUT OF YOUR HEAD) Besides, that was the Michelin Man. I won’t go into the whole process, but it ain’t easy. Just,please,don’t ring my doorbell on Sundays. I was told I would be living with this for six months.

Another change. Reading. I have spent twenty five percent less time reading as the location and mechanics of elimination have changed. It could be happening as we speak. Or anytime.

As a result, it is necessary that I check the “ equipment “ frequently. Lifting my shirt for a quick peek can be awkward in public, so I have to discreetly reach down for a feel. This can also be misinterpreted by filthy minds. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Update: At my last visit, my surgeon said I was doing so well, he would reverse the surgery in August instead of November. I won’t describe the process, but the end result,( hahaha) will be no more bag.

Meanwhile, if you can use a large amount of Saran Wrap, please contact me in September.

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7 Responses to Life Changes

  1. Terry says:

    Again, in only a way you can make it happen you made tears squirt! My Mom named her bag…you? The Clubhouse kitchen can always use copious amounts of saran wrap. I will name it after you and never look at saran wrap the same.
    …ps..you know where my mind always goes.

  2. Kate Bright says:

    Saran Wrap. Hmmm. The kitchen could probably use it, but there is a strange association with its current life that is a definite turnoff.

  3. Suzanne Budovec #123 says:

    Hang in there Fred!
    Glad you’re able to beat the normal 6 month waiting period. I had to wait the 6 months & was so happy on that special day. A minor surgery that just left a small belly scar. It’s so great to be bagless. What a total appreciation you’ll have for others that weren’t that fortunate!
    Only a month or two to go, Fred. Hang in there!!!

  4. Anonymous says:

    As always you take things in stride and make it funny. Really as we get older what else can we do and still have a life that others what to be around.

  5. Eric says:

    I’ve never understood why the word ‘palindrome’ isn’t a palindrome – lack of foresight on someone’s part.

    Good news about the (pending non-requirement of) ‘bag’ Fred….Onward & Upwards!!

  6. Anonymous says:

    We all love you Fred. Keep on keeping on

  7. Valerie Carano says:

    Oh Fred … They just keep getting better and better! Love it!
    Val

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