by Fred Prout
Our life can change in an instant. Large scale event like Covid-19, individual event like surgery, or anything in between. Many people have handled the Covid change constructively. Having free time and isolation can spur the creative process in ways that are hard to comprehend.
One person used their time and imagination to create a new word. And a new medical condition to go along with it.
Now, if you are one of the six unfortunates who are affiliated with this malady, stop reading NOW. I will be using specific words to describe this syndrome. You have been warned.
Aibohpphobia is the word used to describe the sudden and irrational fear of palindromes. A palindrome is a word that is spelled the same forward and backwards. Ironically, Aibohpphobia is a palindrome.
Examples: Dad, Mom, Wow, Poop.
Poop. Glad I thought of that. My recent life change involves just that. Hospital instructions after losing part of my colon and acquiring a bag ; “ Don’t let it get wet “ and don’t feed it after midnight. Strike that last part.
Adapt or die. As soon as I was able, I bought an industrial sized box of Saran Wrap. I would be using it to partially mummify myself to take a shower. (YOU, GET THAT IMAGE OUT OF YOUR HEAD) Besides, that was the Michelin Man. I won’t go into the whole process, but it ain’t easy. Just,please,don’t ring my doorbell on Sundays. I was told I would be living with this for six months.
Another change. Reading. I have spent twenty five percent less time reading as the location and mechanics of elimination have changed. It could be happening as we speak. Or anytime.
As a result, it is necessary that I check the “ equipment “ frequently. Lifting my shirt for a quick peek can be awkward in public, so I have to discreetly reach down for a feel. This can also be misinterpreted by filthy minds. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Update: At my last visit, my surgeon said I was doing so well, he would reverse the surgery in August instead of November. I won’t describe the process, but the end result,( hahaha) will be no more bag.
Meanwhile, if you can use a large amount of Saran Wrap, please contact me in September.