UNCERTAINTY By Jackie Deal

Uncertainty. Is “uncertainty” a basic human emotion? Well, if it isn’t (and it isn’t) maybe it should be. Check out “basic human emotions” on the internet and you get this: love, joy, surprise, fear, sadness, disgust, shame and pride. H’mm.
Right now I’m dealing with uncertainty and it sure feels like it’s basic! Let’s get the story straight before folks start asking “What flowers did she like?” or begin planning my memorial service. (Got your attention, did I?)
I planned to leave Oregon and head for Quartzsite Oct. 22 but my plans were waylaid by an innocent letter that came late Friday evening. “Your recent mammogram…requires additional imaging studies for a complete evaluation.” All medical offices are closed late Friday evening so I waited until 8:01 a.m. Monday and started calling. After much pleading, a repeat evaluation was scheduled for Tuesday morning and it resulted in an ultrasound Tuesday afternoon. A very young and handsome doctor talked with me after the study and the result is I’m awaiting a biopsy next Monday. I won’t know the results til Wednesday.
Uncertainty!! A report of negative (that means no cancer) or positive (yep, cancer) hangs in the balance til then. Making this doubly difficult is my almost insane desire to get down to Quartzsite before the winter snows choke the mountain passes (two of them I must traverse.)
It might be easier to deal with the eight basic emotions listed. But uncertainty? Being a rational person I tell myself that fear and sadness are not appropriate; certainly the other basic emotions aren’t appropriate. So where am I? In limbo.
Limbo? My old dictionary habit, now replaced by Google, rears its ugly head and I check the internet. “An intermediate, transitional, or midway state or place.” Sheesh! Intermediate? I’m a little too old for that. Midway? Between what and what? That leaves transitional; which really isn’t so bad. Every day of our lives is a transition. We move from childhood to adult hood and all the gray areas in between. This is just another transition; the only problem is I can’t see the end of it. But then have we ever seen the end of a year, a week or even a day?
So, Quartzsite here I come…maybe. We’ll see. Uncertain, that’s all.

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