By Fred Prout
It’s Friday morning and I’m pooped. You know how it is. You have a day and night filled with fun and excitement and it’s hard to get to sleep. You pay for the next week in lost sleep. Well, I had to force myself to get up, get my third cup of java and sit down to report on the festivities.
Ratcheds, July fifth, 2024. The back table at the Ratcheds Senior Center. Quill and parchment at the ready. OK my trusty IPAD. Memory jogs provided by T Rex (fka) Thomas King, the beautiful Wanda, Harry Wartzenal, the lovely Tilda Morrow and Callie Marra. She recently bought Sal Minella’s Discount Fish Market and has been a great addition to our little town.
Shirley Shewill brings the much needed coffee pot and adds to the ambiance. “I don’t know if you guys are aware that my divorce is final and I’m taking my own name back.I’m a Knott again. Just like my sibs Willie, May, Dewey and his wife Summer Knott. So my full moniker is Shirley Knott Shewill Knott. How’s that for a mouthful.”
I look up and see Bill and Penny Short heading over. They’re new in town and both work at The Ratcheds Bank and Trust. Pulling up a chair, Penny chimes in “What a day. Do you celebrate the Fourth of July like this every year?” “ Well,” I answer, “ We went all out this year because T and Wanda didn’t march in the My-Oh-My parade last year. Wanda had a bum knee and was in too much pain. So, this year she strutted her stuff like a teenager. Green hat and feathered boas flying in the wind. The boas, not the hat.”
Wanda: “ It took forever to get to where I could even walk let alone march. It took a lot of hard work and T was there to help. I’m just glad my group was in front of the seagulls. The folks dressed up as seagulls had cans of whipped cream they used as make believe bird poop.”
T: “ Of course the Beagle Brigade in back of them worked very hard destroying the evidence. Getting off the subject for a minute, I’m really upset that Americans can’t get anything right these days. Last week we went to Boxco and bought a few things. Took Wanda for lunch. Buck fifty special. After we put everything away I opened the tub of M&Ms. They thought we wouldn’t notice but there were a whole bunch of Ws. When I was putting the 200 rolls of toilet paper away I saw at least 30 rolls were backwards.”
Wanda: “ Shut up T”
T: “Hmpphhh”
Bill Short: “ There goes Awilda Ness from Paradise Poetry . She took one look at me turned red as a beet and walked in the other direction. She saw my very distinctive Mustang in front of the Dispensary the other day. Decided to complain to my boss about having a druggie work at the bank.”
Yours truly: “So what happened?”
Penny: “Well they had a chuckle about it. That night Bill took the Mustang and I followed him. He parked in front of her house and I drove us home. The next morning the phone rang. ‘ Get that stupid car away from my house. I’ve had ten calls saying they know your husband spent the night here “
BS:PS:” As if…”
Jay and Kaye from The Square Circle Wine Shoppe grabbed mugs and wandered over. I noted that they had celebrated another anniversary yesterday. “ We don’t really have to celebrate,” said Kaye. “The whole town does it for us. All we have to do is dress up and march and party like crazy people. Make sure you tell anyone who missed the party last night, Emcee, Mike Raffone introduced Colonel Dave And The Norman Invaders and the crowd went wild. Bonus Diaz got us started bouncing around to ‘Tequila’. My dad and Willie got into the action as usual. Last year he hurt himself dancing to Old Time Rock and Roll. I had to ask Dave not to play it just in case. Bonus did a great job keeping everyone going and raising glasses. She mentioned how she got her unusual name. She was a surprise late in life baby, so, her mom said she was a bonus. So, Bonus Diaz.”
The Damia sisters walk by and wave. They are new in town so I explained to all that Aggie Damia used to be a professor at the college over in Daisy. She’s fond of saying her sister, Maggie Damia is a real nut. They used to live in that retirement home in Daisy, but, she said it went corporate and started going downhill. Aggie joked that the management turned into a bunch of subservient does. Anything for a buck.
Callie:” Getting back to the party. Things got a little crazier after midnight. Chief Muldoon and Officer Toody had to escort a few revelers home in car 54. Seems that someone started howling at the full moon and a couple dozen party goers joined in. That was bad enough, but, eight or ten dogs started to join the racket. Of course the full moon is two weeks away but nobody really cared. By the way, you are all invited to a fish fry tomorrow night at Callie Marra’s Calamari. Byo whatevers.”
I think I’ll head home, feed the dog and check my eye lids for leaks. I’ll finish this report later.
Well that’s the news from Ratcheds By The Sea. A little town on the coast where everyone is beautiful and at least one degree off center.
News Flash….The Intergalactic Association of Chair Volleyball LTD has authorized Timber Valley SKP a second weekly event. Due to the phenomenal success of the Sunday game, we have added a second chance to hone your skills and experience abundant laughter on Thursdays at 2PM. All are welcome and it’s FREE! See your Team Up calendar and see you there.
Look who is all Patriotic this month! Henrietta Hedgehog and her pet Bulldog, “Brutus,” are ready to celebrate The Fourth of July here at Timber Valley! They will be watching the Golf Cart Parade pass by their window box.